If I Make It To Heaven, I May Be As Bloody As Hell...

Currently Reading: Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
Currently Listening To: Seven Swans by Sufjan Stevens

Well...
Here I am, sitting here, and I just sort of feel like writing...
Some days it seems like I am on the right track, doing a pretty good job, pretty close to God, all that jazz...
Then other days, I feel like I have so far to go, and that I and so spiritually immature and anemic...
(NOTE: This is not a "boo-hoo" blog or me complaining - it's really kind of positive, so don't read this and hear me agonizing with a sense of desperation)

I woke up this morning and decided to walk to the store in our apartment complex to buy some candy for my homeroom, and I just started singing "Center" by Charlie Hall...
I was just kind of making it my prayer, altering the lyrics to make it personal...
"Christ, be the center of my life, be the place I fix my eyes"
Then I started wondering the reason why I pray, the reason why I talk to God, the reason I want to be close to God, the reason why I try and communicate with Jesus...
I couldn't help but wonder if I do it because I feel like it is something I need to do to be a good person/Christian, or if I am doing because I truly want to be close to the One who gave up their life for me, so that I could have the ability and freedom to be in a relationship with them...
Donald Miller talks about how (and I am paraphrasing) grace is an invitation to relationship, and the rejection of grace is pretty much like a slap in God's face...
Also, John Ortberg speaks of grace as being viewed as a way of life...
Everything we are given every day can be seen as an outpouring of the mystery that is God's grace...

Hopefully, with God's grace (haha), I can somehow better understand that mysterious gift that I have been given, and operate joyfully and freely in this gift rather than being bogged down by the rules and laws I place on myself...

Things Just Keep Getting Better...

Currently Reading: Middlesex: A Novel by Jeffrey Eugenides

Ok, so despite the daily stresses of having a serious job, things really aren't that bad...
I am with great friends and I am getting to live a pretty awesome life right now...
In other words, right now I feel blessed...

I have been thinking about a verse that I read a week or so ago a lot the past couple of days...
"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain." - Psalms 127:1

When I read this, it really reminded me that if God/my relationship with Jesus Christ is not the focal point of the overarching scheme of my life (as well as all the detailed happenings), then I am basically wasting my time...

14 of 1001... Can It Be Done?

Currently Reading: Antic Hay by Aldous Huxley
Currently Listening To: The Album Leaf

Well, I have a new goal in life...
I printed of a list today at school entitled "1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die"
Feeling drawn and somehow under the control of this electronic onus, I feel that I must try my best to complete this list...
Intimidating - yes...
Seemingly impossible - yes...
Will this stop me? No!

Anyways, Spring Break is on the horizon...
Thank G for that...
I really need a LONG break to fully recharge...
I may have mentioned it in a previous post, but the weekends just aren't enough sometimes...
Mom! I got the care package...
It was wonderful!

Also, I wish I would have taken a Synoptic Gospels class in college...
I mean, they offered one, and I always wanted to take it - I heard it was awesome...
However, it never fit into my schedule...
Bummer...
I was reading the different accounts of the Resurrection on Easter, and I just wish I had learned about the reasonings behind all of the different accounts by someone who knows about them...
I mean, I understand the whole thing about different authors/different styles/etc.
However, there are some questions/concerns I have about why Jesus says some of the things that he says...
I guess I will have to do some reading on my own...
Make that 14 out of 1002...
Life is all about learning...
Sheesh...

Oh yeah...
I am 23 now...
Welp...
That's all for now...

Trait #1: You Have a Hard Time Following Through

Well, as the title suggests, I haven't been doing such a great job about keeping all the people back home in the good ole' U.S. of A. posted on my happenings over here...
Anyways, the past is past, right?
Let's turn this mess into a message...

Basically, I have learned some things about myself since I have been here...
I mean, I guess I always sort of knew them, but taking a test about yourself sort of has a way of concretizing all those things that float around in your head while you are folding laundry (yes, Mom, I fold my clothes - my room is actually, dare I say, quite impeccable), taking a shower, or staring at the ceiling before you fall asleep...
So, during our Teacher In-Service Training, we all took personality tests about what "color" personalities we possess...

One can be 1.) orange 2.) gold 3.) blue 4.) green

Well, orange is normally adventurous, outdoor-loving, spontaneous...
Gold is very time-oriented, organized, appreciates the value of money and family (very structured)
Blue is very artistic, poetic, introspective, sensitive, etc.
Green is very calculative, drawn to logic, etc.

For anyone who truly knows me, I scored off the charts blue...
Since that, even though I joke about it, my life makes a lot more sense...
I guess I always assumed a was a very "big picture" kind of guy (this also ties in to my Strengths - Intellection, Restorative, Adaptability, Connectedness, Input)...
But, I am beginning to think that there is a fine line between looking at the big picture and looking at the consequences of things (here is where connectedness comes into play)...
I feel like throughout my life, I have done a pretty good job of staying out of trouble for the sake of understanding cause-and-effect scenarios...
However, I am not so sure I have a firm grasp on the big picture of things (i.e., life)...
I probably could have articulated myself way better last week or so when I was thinking about it, but it is coming back to my mind as I type...
Anyways, sorry this isn't truly a Korea post about my adventures in Seoul (though I did go there last weekend)...
But, I mean, the people who read this want to know me on a deeper level anyway...
So, if you have made it this far in my introspective rant, I indeed salute you...

At 22, I've Got Cement Shoes...

Well...
I am listening to my Bible class speak in a language that I really just don't know while they are working on their projects...
These kids are really funny sometimes, but I just don't feel like being at school right now...
It is snowing like CRAZY right now...
Literally, we are talking like 15 minutes and the ground was covered in snow...
It is blowing my mind as we speak...
Hmm...
Update...
We went to Seoul this weekend, and I watched the girls shop and wandered around the subway...
I love public transportation, but not watching girls shop...
I mean, I like watching girls, but, you know what I mean...
(haha - I just had such a Holden Caulfield moment... my hero!)
Um...
I graded papers at Starbucks on Sunday night in Cheongju...
I gave my first test last Friday...
The kids didn't do that well overall...
I was experiencing such a mix of emotions - anger, disappointment, it was really weird...
Anyways...
I might have to start teaching English to elementary schoolers at an academy affiliated with the school...
It is a surefire way to get a visa, but it is more work, lesson plans, grading, time, etc...
However, it is $300 extra a month, which will come in handy if/when I travel after school...
Things here are well...
I started running again...
It has been cool to go out at night and just run through town and look around...
I get some strange looks, because I am sure the people of this small town don't expect a big white dude to be jogging in Eumseong at like 9 p.m.
I just finished lesson plans for the week, and think I might start my history lesson notes for tomorrow...
Maybe I will be able to put up pictures in the next couple weeks...
Love you, Mom! (Let's be honest, you are the only person who reads this, that is if you haven't stopped, too)